caylie02

Choices to make

Wed, 06 May 2009 22:04:49 GMT

I've always been too good at being on my own. I've always known the cost of it, and I've always accepted the consequences of it. It makes it easier for me to make choices in my life.

I make choices that suit me, and then life turns around and throws me into the arms of a man who does not want to be alone. It scares me to look into his eyes and realize how much I feel for him. There are honestly moments of disgust, especially when I can only explain most of my actions as 'defense mechanisms' and he tells me I can't always brush it off with that excuse. I just keep thinking 'please, stay here' but really accept that I've been places you haven't. There are things he won't tell me about his life, but he will eventually. It's just sad that he won't realize that there are things I will never tell him.

Writer's Block: Life Changes

Wed, 06 May 2009 21:59:01 GMT

What change have you made in your life that you're most proud of?

A Million Mistakes

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:12:49 GMT

I won't ever doubt that my life has been full of mistakes. Mistakes made to me, for me, against me, mistakes that can't ever be taken back.

Sometimes I wonder what has been worth it and I start to scrutinize what has past.

It just makes me realize that was has come to pass, is past. What has been has been stamped and rubbing alcohol can't remove certain stains.

I live in fear of living ghosts, mistakes that only death can wipe out, but never erase.

Today is a day like any other

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:31:05 GMT

There are things I have to get done, things I will put off until the last minute. Instead I am planning my body, where it will go, how it will get there, how it will look and how I will achieve that look. If I could erase the comments that have been made to me before, maybe I could focus on a essay. Or maybe I would still be buying children sized roller-blades in attempts to make myself happy about myself.

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 17:02:26 GMT

I know this dress is beautiful. I've worn it many times and have received compliments. Yet there are some times when I just feel foolish wearing it because I want it to be more and I want to be more. I come home to an empty house and all I think is, 'You're dead to me'.

I met someone last night whom I was not expecting to meet. It's funny the people we bump into, the hands we write our names onto, the shoulders we wrap our arms around.

What to do with myself

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:59:18 GMT

The hardest thing is always admitting it. I have rules that I follow and rules that I won't give up.

Maybe talking to someone will be good for me...but I think this will leave me just as helpless as ever.